You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize