look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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