i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
