i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
