one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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