thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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