I CAN MOONWALK!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
