every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
