if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
