I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize