We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
