sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
