i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
being pregnant is like rehab
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
