I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
