Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
