Barsexuality is the new black.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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