Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
