i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dicks are not precious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
