He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
