one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i now understand why vodka
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
