those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
