dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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