I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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