Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
