i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
id be glad to
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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