Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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