PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
