please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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