I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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