if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
