Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
