tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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