i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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