her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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