people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
