you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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