can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
