found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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