btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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