Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
