PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize