I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
