either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
