DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize