I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
