I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
