drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
