I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize