Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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