How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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