I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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