I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
