good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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