Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
