I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
