i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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