Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
