there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
