you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
