soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
