Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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