No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
