It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
