I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
