A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
